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Here’s Why Grief & Loss ‘Hurts’ So Much – Breakups & Deaths

Here’s Why Grief & Loss ‘Hurts’ So Much – Breakups & Deaths

After a death or breakup, what causes that grief, why does it hurt so much, and what can you do to alleviate it? If you’ve experienced the loss of a person, either through death or the breakup of a relationship, you’ll know that you’re often left with a whole bunch of unanswered questions, and this horrible, heavy feeling that you can’t quite pinpoint and don’t know how to begin releasing. So what exactly does that feeling consist of and how do you create mental, emotional, and spiritual relief so that you can be at peace internally? At the first level of emotional turmoil you have the mirrors of relationship, which in a nutshell is the energetic reason that you and this person were attracted into each other’s lives. A vast majority of the people and relationships that come into our lives only come to show us an aspect of ourselves that is ready to be cleared or fixed. If the relationship energy is made up of purely mirrors, then by the time you’ve cleared the mirrors the attachment and attraction to the person will have disappeared. I know it sounds farfetched, but it really does happen: you get the awareness of the mirror and all of a sudden you just aren’t attached and miserable anymore; it just melts away in a second.

The even more amazing thing is that if the attachment disappears in you, it will disappear in the other party as well, so it’s also a great way to finally end a relationship that seems to be going back and forth endlessly. On the flipside, if you clear all the mirrors and reach a level of peace with each other, you may naturally gravitate back towards each other – without the problems that originally pulled you apart. In this case you are most likely dealing with a soulmate or twin flame relationship. Learn more about the mirrors of relationship: If you’ve cleared mirrors and you still have pain and there’s been no movement towards reconciliation occurring, then your pain most likely stems from a sacrifice, compromise, or loss. Not having a home or belonging with that person: When you form a close emotional bond with someone, there’s a sense of belonging that happens and they become part of your family: the people you call home. Once of the senses of loss you’re feeling is that you have lost a home – you feel abandoned and homeless, lost and looking for a direction and safe space. Coaching solution: List all the other places and people in your life that you feel at home and belong with. Make a point of engaging in social activities with these people. An anchor is more than a home – it’s a person you take with you everywhere, regardless of how your environment or life changes. For some of us this is a friend, for some a family member, and for others their romantic partner. Anchor relationships are the really crucial relationships we have, and so when you lose your anchor you lose a lot of key elements in your life, including: For many people this last point – a place to express your love – is something they’ll glance over, thinking it doesn’t apply to them, and then wonder why I didn’t include an option for someone who loves you.

The reasoning is simple: if you really wanted someone who loves you, you’d be all over your stalkers. When we love someone else, it is about the love we feel inside ourselves for and around them, and how we express that love – that’s why we call it being in love. It’s not that you’re missing being loved by the person – you’re missing being able to express the love you feel for the person. If you get very honest, you’ll realise you probably haven’t thought about the other person’s feelings once: it’s always about your pain and your feelings because we live our lives from a subjective point of view. When you begin a relationship and bond with someone, you begin to plan and look forward together. It’s quite a natural response – we all expect our relationships to continue forever; it’s why we’re so surprised when a long-term romantic partnership comes to an end. However the end of the relationship does not mean that the hopes and desires and dreams have gone away – it just means that you have to sacrifice those unrealized expectations and let go of those dreams. Letting go of a dream is difficult under any circumstances – when there’s grief and loss, it feels almost unbearable. Aside from dreams being taken away, the loss of a relationship through death or separation also creates an uncertain future, because you’re directionless and you may no longer feel like you have a reason to go on. .

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