How Meditation Can Help Your Sex Life
How does meditation change “getting lucky” into a spiritual, transformative, multi-dimensional experience? The journey from our “monkey minds” and chaotic lives to blissful meditative mindfulness is very similar to our journey from “just normal procreative/recreational sex” to phenomenal spiritual intimacy. And the journey is there for all of us, starting with...
The first thing we must do is decide to be completely kind, loving, compassionate, and non-judgmental with ourselves and our partner. Within meditation, we come face to face with many things that we don’t want to admit to ourselves and things we have buried (often for good reason). We must bring compassion to ourselves so that we can look at these things objectively and bring them into the light so that they can be healed. Similarly in intimacy, we must promise to be 100% kind and compassionate with each other. To become vulnerable and open, we must feel completely safe to express wherever we truly are at... This is the first step, and actually often the hardest. Where are you at right now? In meditation, are you stressed out? Are you sad? Are you energized? Are you chewing on something? In our relationships, is there something not working? Are you worried? Are you distracted? Do you want the same things as your partner? Why are you sitting down to meditate really? Because you should? Because you desire true inner peace? Why are you wanting to be intimate? To connect? For physical release? Being completely honest with ourselves and with our partner is the absolute foundation for the whole experience. If one person wants to connect and the other just wants to have fun, then no one will be happy in the end. If we sit down to meditate but we aren’t being honest with ourselves about where we truly are, then we won’t have any success there either. We have to trust that honesty will take us where we truly want to go. Dharana is total focus on one thing. In meditation, it might be the breath, our third eye, a mandala, a candle, or a repeated mantra. This helps us to let all other distractions go, and as these distractions leave our minds we become connected to our innate inner stillness; we begin to connect with something deeper, older, and wiser. In intimacy, we first experience this inner focus and then we bring that focus to our partner. Through eye gazing, focus, breathing, etc, we bring our total presence to our combined experience. We allow no distractions, no thoughts, nothing... We are 100% focused on our lover and what is happening in each moment. Our breathing connects us to spirit. We literally feel our spirit as we inhale and exhale. It calms the body and mind naturally and effortlessly and allows us to enter a meditative state. In intimacy, we use it to relax the body and mind too. It can help us to not get too excited, and to help move the sexual energy up the energy channels and throughout the body. And since we are connecting with one another, it can also be used to create that connection. We can breathe together, literally mixing spirit, mixing consciousness – and this begins an intimate energy connection that starts to change everything.
There are no rules in meditation or sacred intimacy.
There are no tricks or guidebooks as to what we should do to find ecstatic pleasure or inner peace. We must just listen inside for guidance. We must listen to our intuition, the little voice inside... whatever we call it. Barry Long, a great tantric teacher, used to say, “Just relax the minds and let the bodies make love... they know what they’re doing.” This is where we let go of our plans, our techniques, and our thoughts, and just go with whatever comes up. Again, much more challenging than it sounds to give up control and just trust. But it is a true adventure. Dyana is one step past the one-pointed focus of Dharana. This is where there are no distractions and you start to lose track of where you are. You are still 100% aware of everything. You are completely focused without any thoughts or distractions, but it’s like you’ve opened a door to another world. You are watching it and absorbing it.. but not analyzing it or controlling it. You are just there... just blissfully there. In intimacy, the energies between the lovers are mixing, the bodies are moving, but the mind is still. It’s like you are just breathing and moving in this orgasmic state together.
There are no goals or thoughts because the experience is truly beyond “this world,” like you are floating without any grounding, yet you are 100% aware and present. Samadhi is the complete merging with the cosmos. This is where we feel a peace that is beyond anything we can understand. We feel one with the universe and truly feel intimately part of the Divine. In intimacy, we have completely dropped all sense of who we are. We are simply souls connecting and merging. We are in complete unity. And this unity is what our souls truly long for – to not feel separate, to truly feel complete and one with each other and everything. And so we feel incredible bliss and happiness. Here is how one man described it: “Take the greatest thing you’ve ever felt in the world.. times it by ten.. and then let the energy take control of your entire body. Like every cell of your body becomes alive and something is pulsing through your veins.. You have no control of it.. Just pure bliss.. Really no words can explain how awesome a feeling it is...” And just think... this incredible meditative, sensual, divine bliss is exactly what we were made for... .
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