How To Stay Centered In A Relationship & Not Get Lost In Love
Have you ever met someone that caused you to get swept away in the emotion of love? You became so lost in the emotion that your actions made no sense.
You knew at the time you should take a step back to center yourself and think logically but the magnetic attraction was so intoxicating that it seemed to hypnotize you? When you think about love in this way it may seem romantic. I mean, who hasn’t been lost in love? But after the feeling wore off and you looked back upon this feeling, was it really love? Was it lust? Was it obsession? Was it addiction to the chemicals released in your brain as you took in the sweet potion of love? Were you hooked on the image of the person, and the image of both of you together? And if you were stuck on an image was it based on fantasy and not based on the person’s actual traits and actions? Of course love is sometimes just that – love. But in the case where it is some unhealthy way of fulfilling an unmet childhood need, or some way of completing yourself, then it would help to be able to center through the emotion of love, or what feels like love.
The purpose of centering is not to control love. That would be impossible. Love is love and it genuinely and naturally flows unobstructed. It is creative and evolving. It must be what it is and nothing else. However the purpose of centering when lost in love would be to observe if in fact it is love, or something else which may be destructive to your own spiritual growth and, for that matter, to your partner. In the situations where love is not really love, learning to observe and become aware of how you experience these intoxicating emotions is important. Think about it. If you often experience an unhealthy love, in the form of attachment, you will constantly need someone else to complete you. You will find yourself with people who abuse you or take advantage of you. In the end you will find that relationships drain you. Additionally, when a relationship is over you will feel empty because you were dependent on the other to fulfill some kind of need.
The fact of the matter is you are a complete person whether you are aware of it or not. And you are worthy of authentic love. You don’t need others to approve of you, to complete you, or to give you life. You have this potential all within yourself. In fact it is not that love is unnecessary, it is that love is in everything and everywhere.
Therefore, you can choose to consciously fill up on love by experiencing it in your everyday reality as a way of being. Experience and take in love from the Universe, from the world, from within yourself, and then when overflowing abundantly, radiate it out and attract those into your life that love and accept you in this way. This will create a powerful synergistic love. A love that doesn’t complete you, but that magnifies your love vibration in a positive way.
There is a difference and it is profound. To attract real love, it will help to learn to be authentic to yourself. Being authentic begins with becoming aware of your thoughts and emotions, for how else could you express your authentic thoughts and emotions if you are not even aware of them yourself? One way to become aware of your thoughts and emotions is to meditate. Practicing meditation daily and being still with your emotions and thoughts will allow you to observe them instead of reacting to them. This is so important in love. Think about it. Can you remember ever being in a relationship and the person you were with said or did something that triggered an automatic reaction, maybe of jealousy, anger, or frustration? In response did you act in an automatic, reactive manner — a manner which you later regretted? Now imagine two people in a relationship both operating from this reactive level of ego.
There is no room for authentic love.
There is only room for reactive, fear-based ego love.
The expression of authentic love is not present. Now when you meditate and observe your thoughts and emotions, instead of reacting to them, you create a pause. You sit in stillness. You observe. Now imagine that the person you are with does something that normally would trigger anger or frustration. In that critical moment between stimulus and response, imagine time slowing down. You may still feel frustration begin to emerge within you. But imagine that this time, noticing it emerging, you step away from it. You observe it. And you take a deep breath in. You evaluate the situation, and notice that the frustration is an automatic, habitual way of reacting. You really aren’t even frustrated. You could choose to react a different way, and work the situation out, and feel empowered in doing so. You think about what you really want to express, and you express it from a place of conscious awareness. From a place of love. And your communication is clear and authentic. In response the person opens up in like fashion. Or maybe they continue to respond from their reactive ego self, and continue to try to pull you into their drama. You cannot control their response, but you can control your own response. You are being authentic, and this is part of your spiritual journey. This centering and sitting in stillness will enhance your relationships. This does not mean that all relationships will work out. But at least you will learn to be authentic in love, to be consciously aware of your thoughts and actions. This will open the doors to invite someone into your life that matches your own energy vibration of love, if that is your intention. Now love is powerful. You may still get lost in the strong emotions that love awakens within people. You may not always consciously guide your actions. You might not always choose to observe your emotions and thoughts. You might be reactive from time to time. Simply begin to make the distinction: notice the outcome when you choose your actions consciously and when you react automatically. With time you will naturally desire conscious action.
The point is not to tame and control love, but to control whether you react consciously or react automatically to destructive thoughts and emotions that are often confused as love. You can begin to recognize and observe those patterns in your own life that are destructive, that attract abusive people, that attract incompatible partners, that attract people into your life that fulfill some kind of egoic addiction to reactive patterns. You can also observe those thoughts and emotions that cause you to sabotage good relationships through addiction to drama. In your love relationships you will be tested. And remaining consciously aware and nonreactive will allow you to grow spiritually, more so than any other test. .
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