Tantric Intimacy & Sex: Why It Can Be So Important
Many people begin the journey into tantra because they hear that they can have AMAZING SEX!! (And who doesn’t want that?) Others feel the mystical call of the ancient spiritual path of tantra — the desire to experience the divine in every moment of their lives, the desire to truly awaken to their full divine/human potential. And many feel broken in some way.
They’ve had painful past relationships, sexual difficulties, feelings of being disconnected and having lost meaning in their lives, and hear that the path of tantra can help them.
The truth is that in order to experience the phenomenal bliss and ecstasy of tantric intimacy, we have to embrace all three.
The magic of practising tantra is that we absolutely have to get real with ourselves if we are going to have a tantric experience. We can learn techniques and do group exercises and read books. But if we don’t actually look into our hearts, our brokenness, and our challenges and heal them, we will not find the ecstasy that we’re looking for. This is because tantric experiences are energetic. Yes, there can be physical aspects to the experience for sure. But the ecstasy, unboundedness, and divine experience are energetic. And energy can’t lie. Whoever you are right now is who you bring to the experience. Whatever fears, worries, pain, and struggles you are having are all present energetically. Physically, we can pretend. We can talk a good talk. We can dress properly and take care of ourselves. But none of this matters when you are sitting in front of another human being desiring to truly merge with them. In fact, this is why when we first begin studying tantric intimacy and we eye-gaze with someone, it can be incredibly uncomfortable... We often laugh or make light of it. But truthfully, we are very uncomfortable with someone else seeing into our truth... that we aren’t as strong as we are trying to be, that we don’t have it all together, that we are vulnerable, that we are longing, that we are lost...
These are scary realities to share with others... and scary to admit to ourselves.
The foundation of tantra is integrating the divine into our day-to-day lives. This is key in our healing path. Many of our struggles are old.
They come from our childhoods. But we must have compassion for ourselves and know that the only reason they are a “struggle” is because we just don’t know what to do with them. Maybe we have talked with counsellors. Maybe we run or work out when life becomes too much to handle. Maybe we medicate ourselves with everything from drugs (illegal and prescription) to excessive busyness. Regardless, at this point in our lives, we don’t have the tools, the awareness, or the strength to make the changes necessary to relieve us of these struggles. All this changes when we start integrating the divine into our process. It starts with an idea of what the ‘divine’ is. What feels right to you deep in your soul? It might be a combination of descriptions you’ve heard over your lifetime. Or maybe it’s just that you know that there is “something more” out there. All we need to do is believe it enough to trust it. And then we do various exercises... maybe eye-gazing, maybe meditation, maybe intimate exercises. And in that intimacy with ourselves, issues rise. Previously, these issues were overwhelming because they overwhelmed us in the past. So we stop. We freeze. We bring up a self-protection mechanism to stop us from feeling whatever painful feeling is triggered. But in our practice of tantra, we remember that there is more in the world than just us. We can close our eyes and ask for help. We can feel comforted by a presence that we cannot see. We can trust a wisdom that is beyond our understanding. And in this moment, we realize that there is another option to take in our healing. Intuition whispers in our ear. A prayer is answered. However we hear it, our healing takes a new direction. Tantra is about how we live each moment of our lives. And so as we walk through our days, on the bright side, we feel such gratitude. We love life, we notice the birds, we notice the sun. We are grateful for the people in our lives — our loved-ones and our not-so-loved-ones. We are happy for our health and we are just simply thankful to have woken up today. And when challenges come, we act differently than before. Previously there would be many things that would “set us off.” There are people who “push our buttons.” And there are also life circumstances that are simply really difficult. When we start healing ourselves this way, we soon have the presence of mind to stop and take a deep breath. And then we ask for guidance. We ask for help. This is the integration of the divine into everyday life. This is where we bring that energy and wisdom into every aspect of our life as easily as we pull out an umbrella if it is raining. This is living a tantric life. As we bring this divine energy into our healing journey and into our day-to-day lives, we will also bring them into our intimate connections.
These connections can be friends, children, parents, and all loved ones. But let’s imagine our romantic connections just for now. Imagine the difference bringing this new presence into the bedroom. Imagine being open to being vulnerable because you know that it will help you heal, and that you are not alone. Imagine knowing that you have wisdom and guidance to help you in the moment. Imagine looking at this other human with such incredible gratitude and awe, knowing that they too are an incredible human being on a journey of love and self-discovery and being thankful that they are also willing to be vulnerable and loving and play in this intimate realm with you! Imagine bringing that divine self into that experience. Imagine leaving our egos and “stuff” at the door and just bringing our highest selves in. Feel the energy of that. Feel the infinite possibilities. We often need a push to make changes in our lives. And often the push we get is negative. We don’t want to be in pain. We don’t want to be unhappy. But tantra gives us something amazing to look forward to. Deep down, we know that we are made for incredible ecstasy. We know we are made for incredible happiness and ease (which is why we crave it so much). And the only way to get there is by getting real with ourselves...
There are just no shortcuts. And all we have to do is integrate what is is already within us. We are already BOTH divine and physical. It’s not something we have to add or cultivate. It’s within us right now. .
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