. What is there to speak about? It’s the obvious which has been overlooked all the time.
The obviousness of being. Just accepting and letting all go.
There is this one secret. But it cannot be shared. For there is nobody to share it with – at least not the way the ego thinks it works. And yet, within all the dualities we play with, it is forever there. One ultimate and indivisible reality. I was always on the guard for complacency, but I never realized it works a little different than I thought it did. And that’s the trick with a lot of things. Every insight tells you the same story. Once you see it, you realize how futile your previous attempts were and how wrong you were. One of the more recent insights taught me why I always felt incredibly vane. I was afraid of the idea that the whole world revolved around me. And yet, all spiritual teachings will tell you to turn your focus inwards, towards the self. So I was puzzled by this apparent paradox. I tried to get rid of the feeling of I in my life, but that’s the best way to fuel the whole idea of ‘I.’ In the end it’s all I in disguise. So it’s important to stay open to everything. It might be that everything you think is true, is but half of the story. In my case it was. I was trying so desperately to be myself, that I couldn’t be myself any longer. And yet, in my striving I was of course... myself! I had only limited myself inside my head and body. Stuck within a world of thoughts, I thought I’d find the answer there. But thoughts are mere responses, not answers.
They only point back to the answer, which is unspeakable. I’ll try to explain this a little by telling a personal experience. Ever since I took magic mushrooms some 7 years ago, oneness was the thing I was looking for. In that first trip I sat with my feet in the lotus position and after 30 minutes in that posture, I felt the blanket which was lying on top of me was not just the blanket. It was a part of me, just as much as the body was a part of me. My search for Oneness had started. But it confused me just as much as it excited me. What if it were only the drugs who initiated this feeling? What if it is all just a dream? I have been trying for 7 years now to grasp the true significance of that moment, but only by writing this down I realize it. It was there all along. I just didn’t see it at the time. I never followed the logic of the moment all the way down. Cause if I say that I was one with the blanket, doesn’t that imply that I’m one with everything which is happening at any moment? I realized that in thought, but never really felt it for real. In the trip I felt it, but back then I was still hooked upon the idea that I was somehow living from the center somewhere in my body. It has taken a lot of reading, thinking and discussing to free me from this delusion. Of course I have this body; of course it needs care and attention. But it’s not everything I am. This body is but a wave in the ocean.
The ocean being all there is. I just have to allow things to be as they are. Ego tries to convince us things are not the way they’re meant to be, while reality is allowing everything to be as it is – and as you are. As Adyashanti says: Become one with the situation. Close the gap between you and the moment. .
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