Can We Truly Hurt Each Other’s Feelings?
What if being truthful to yourself and others could never really hurt anyone even when it appears that way? What if “coming clean” with yourself and those around you, no matter how much judgement and challenges you may trigger from doing so, is actually the greatest service you could possibly offer to yourself and everybody else? What if it is impossible for you to hurt someone, and for someone to hurt you? “But I know what it is like to be hurt... and it’s horrible. I’d be willing to give up parts of my self to avoid others being hurt and I’d like it if others did the same for me.” This way of thinking may seem reasonable, even noble... but here is a little story that offers a different perspective.
There once was this king surrounded by servants, jokers, caretakers, friends... all of whom were putting up a face to please him, to reassure him of his worth, handsomeness, wealth etc. Everyone knew the king had major self-esteem issues, insecurities, fears, and ultimately had no self-love.
The smallest little remark, action or event that would burst his bubble and remind him of his pain would make him lose it. It took an entire staff who would give him the “right” attention, say the “right” words and tell him the “right” stories to keep him “happy”. Ask yourself... is this serving his highest good? Is this allowing him to deal with his issues, or is this just delaying the lessons he needs to learn? In this story, the king represents the ego within all of us, the emotional pains, false identities, insecurities and limiting beliefs that our minds are afraid to face and release. Now if we love someone and desire nothing but for them to feel at peace and whole within themselves, would we really want to preserve their painful illusions by refusing to bring them up to the surface? If we trigger pain in someone or someone triggers pain in us, is it “their fault”, or did they simply bring up the existing insecurities WE were unconsciously holding onto all along? The truth is, all challenges present opportunities for us to grow, look deeper within ourselves and let go of the perceptions that do not need to control our lives anymore. It is truly a blessing in disguise. If someone is going through emotional turmoil – whether we helped trigger it or not – it is exactly what their soul is asking for so that they can see what beliefs and thoughts are running their experience. If we can’t stand to see other’s having emotional reactions, then it is exactly what our soul is asking for so we can learn to see beyond the surface of things and acknowledge the purpose of such experiences. As challenging as following our heart may seem in a society that praises victimization and sacrifice, think of it as a way for you to free yourself while opening the door for others to do the same. After all, what lies beyond all of these barriers, beliefs and fears the ego is trying to protect, is the natural state of love, peace and completeness we have all been busy chasing elsewhere. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could spare them from all suffering? No, it wouldn’t.
They would not evolve as human beings and would remain shallow, identified and attached to external form of things. Suffering can drive you deeper.
The paradox is that suffering is caused by identification with form and erodes identification with form. As long as you resist suffering, it is a slow process because the resistance creates more ego to burn up. When you accept suffering, however, there is an acceleration of that process which is brought about by the fact that you suffer consciously. You can accept suffering for yourself, or you can accept it for someone else, such as your child or parent. In the midst of conscious suffering there is already the transmutation.
The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness.” – Eckhart Tolle .
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