I’ve lived with my share of narcissistic and toxic individuals before, and these were some of the hardest people to endure. A few of these relationships were so bad that it caused severe damage to my mental state. This can really happen, by the way. I’ve endured weight loss, been through both physical and verbal abuse, and even became convinced that I was the problem myself. Trust me, a true narcissist loves to tell you that you’re the narcissist yourself. It’s one of the indicators of who you’re really dealing with. A certain blogger named Skylar came up with a method of dealing with narcissists and other toxic people. This method can work on psychopaths, sociopaths, and others with similar strategies of manipulation.
The Gray Rock Method is only for those who just cannot get away from the toxic person. If you can leave, yes leave, but if you can’t or don’t want to, you see, you’re going to need a way to survive and even possibly thrive while enduring the abuse. Imagine a gray rock, not a brown one, but a gray one. You see, any other rock, like brown, red or a mixture or swirl of colors would have a certain creative personality. Now, I’m not saying the color gray is ugly or anything, it’s just not the most lively of hues. So, see this rock in your mind and imagine the rock among many other things of other colors, shapes, and sizes. Now, imagine yourself as a gray rock among colorful rocks. Who do you think would get the attention? Well, it could be anybody, but chances are, you’d be the last one approached. Narcissists and toxic individuals don’t like gray worlds, but we have to create one for them to understand. Narcissists love attention. In fact, they thrive off being the spotlight almost all the time. If they’re not getting attention, you best believe they are on their way or making plans to get attention somehow. If you live with a narcissist, you understand how much they can drain you. You know all about their lies, their blame-shifting, gaslighting, and manipulation of other sorts. Let’s face it, you know what you’re dealing with sooner or later. So, what can a gray rock do for a narcissist? Acting as a gray rock won’t cut it, you have to become the gray rock. And why is that? It’s that your attention and your responses feed the narcissist. If you become a gray rock, you change the whole dynamic. You practically starve toxic people. Okay, here’s what you do. Do you know how narcissists try to start fights? Well, the next time that happens and they start asking ridiculous questions and throwing around insults, just say, “Okay”. You know the insults aren’t true, but who cares! Let them keep talking to themselves, basically. Also, instead of being around them, spend more time alone doing mundane things, things which cannot draw attention to them. Narcissists hate being bored or around boring things, and this is what you have been ...a boring person who does boring things. Let me add something to that, however. You don’t always have to do boring things and say okay to everyone. This special treatment is only for the toxic people in your life. For others, the ones who treat you right, you should carry on with your life as normal. But as soon as the toxic individual comes around, act like you have no interest whatsoever in what they have to say. I do want to prepare you for the outcome of the gray rock method. When you start to ignore them or give them short answers, they will then start to like you less and less.
They may throw tantrums and throw things like a child. Stand firm. Most of the time, especially in intimate relationships, the narcissist will eventually leave. But that’s not always before they cheat or stay gone most of the time to support their ego elsewhere, and they will do this. It’s impossible for a toxic person to remain in the company of someone who provides no attention to feed their emptiness. After some time has gone by, they do leave for good.
They may bluff divorce or break up many times before actually leaving.
They’re even known to beg for you to take them back later with the promise of better behavior. It’s rare, but sometimes this method can help people see what they are or what they’re becoming. In some cases, I suppose, they can become completely different people who actually care about other’s feelings. It’s possible that they can kill some of the hunger for attention if they learn to see the truth. And that’s where the problem lies. It’s just so hard for the narcissist to see themselves as others do.
They actually see their behavior as perfectly normal. So, let’s try our best and prepare for the alternative, I always say. If you’re dealing with a toxic person, try the Gray Rock Method and see how it works for you. Start off slow so you prevent possible violence or rage against your responses. After all, being ignored is one of the things a narcissist hates most. I wish you well and hope you succeed in having a healthy and happy life. R.
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